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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|