🔗 Share this article

Encountering denial, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. An editor is declining your work, delivering a clear “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas 50 years back, upon college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and numerous essays. During the recent 20 years, focusing on commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I face a setback every few days—adding up to over 100 annually. In total, rejections in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining rant? Far from it. Because, finally, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: Now, almost every person and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

For example: recently, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors rejected my book idea before one accepted it. Later on, 25 agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. One editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

My Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? How could these people be ignore my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was initially declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Most US presidents over the past six decades had previously lost campaigns. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and bid to appear were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

As time passed, as I reached my later years, I reached the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have already featured a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or just be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor thinks I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the business for the content I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and read my submission too quickly to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my punctuation, particularly commas, was annoying.

The point is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved widely published. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was 51, another, a personal story, at 65—and more than numerous essays. My writings have been published in publications big and little, in diverse outlets. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no features on talk shows, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle rejection at my age, because my, small successes have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but only if you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What